October 7, 2008
BIRMINGHAM, Ala. - Economic instability hurts more than our wallets. Financial woes can lead to emotionally damaging arguments among couples and put unnecessary strain on family dynamics, said University of Alabama at Birmingham (UAB) Associate Professor Josh Klapow, Ph.D.
Klapow is a clinical psychologist and author of Living Smart: 5 Essential Skills to Change Your Health Habits Forever. He said financial discussions, and even disagreements, can have a positive impact on families struggling through uncertainty. The key is to make those discussions productive, not destructive. Klapow offers five tips for a productive financial dialogue on his blog http://blogs.uab.edu/drjoshk. They include:
- Keep a cool head. "When your emotions are high - be it anger, sadness, frustration - thoughts get cloudy. Relax, breathe, wait 2-10 minutes then start to talk," Klapow said.
- Start easy. Arguments often start because of a critical remark or an angry tone. "Try to bring up problems and mistakes gently and without blame," he said.
- Don't assume. "Talk about your feelings, not what you think your spouse or partner is feeling. Describe your feelings in first person with 'I' and explain why," Klapow said.
- Think then speak. "The goal of the conversation should be to problem-solve, not to win. Remember, once the words are out you cannot take them back," he said.
- Repair and recover. "Don't let the discussion get out of control. End on a positive, or at least neutral, note. Lean on patience, change the topic or offer a positive comment to let the other person know you're part of the same team," Klapow said.